School Shopping

A couple of weeks ago we were not ready to begin our school shopping, we wanted to enjoy the rest of summer. This week the girls decided they really wanted to buy their backpacks and lunch boxes. We made a quick list of items we needed and off to Target we went.

As we made our list there were a couple of items Tara needed and a couple of items Lily needed. Let me stop here. While raising two girls I have always felt this "need" to be fair, to treat them equally. If one girl gets something the other girl should get something. Not only is this approach expensive, we end up with too much stuff and many times two of the exact same item. But I always feel so bad buying something for one girl and not getting something for the other. I have asked my sister-in-law who is raising five children how she handles this situation. She bought me a book titled Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. In the book the authors discuss "that children don't need to be treated equally, they need to be treated uniquely." Although I agree with this nugget, I find it hard to do. Let me give you an example. On our list was a white pair of sandals for Tara; yes, she needed them. However, guess who also walked out of the store with a pair of white sandals? Now Lily has two pair of white sandals, both size 11.

We have two hooks in our laundry room for each of Tara and Lily's backpacks. All summer long their old backpacks have been hanging since the last day of school; I am not sure we have even cleaned them out. Yesterday morning I walked into our laundry room to do my daily load of laundry and paused when I saw Lily's new backpack hanging on her hook. She had taken her old one down and had her new backpack hanging and ready to go. This was a 'crystal in the air' for me. Lily is so excited to start Kindergarten, she is so proud and she is ready to begin this next phase in her life. This of course made me think of Tara, "hmmmm wonder where her new backpack is?" I found it on the floor in her bedroom.
Tara is less enthusiastic about starting school, she would much rather stay home, hang out with Mom and watch TV. This 'crystal' reminded me how "unique" they are, how they have their own preferences, their own experiences, their own feelings, their own needs and how they do not have to have everything be the same.

Now, if only I can remember this the next time I am shopping.